Nicky's Blog

Monday Went to Rachel’s court hearing today – it’s been decided she can stay with us for the indefinite future, which I’m really pleased about. We all went to eat pizza to celebrate, but I found it hard to concentrate. I can’t believe how Jermaine reacted to the news about the baby; I think I won’t go to college for a while, so I don’t have to face him at the bus stop. I just wouldn’t know what to say or what to do. I’ll tell mum and dad I’ve got flu - hopefully they’ll believe me.
Tuesday I’ve been going through a lot of stuff, so obviously, when I went to see my councillor today it was weird. I was expecting the same emotional talk as last time, and I would walk out with a feeling of relief, but instead she told me my feelings are normal and anger is ‘appropriate’. OK, what’s that supposed to mean?
Wednesday OK, so this is kind of weird. Jermaine asked Rachel if he could come visit me, as I’m ‘ill’. Ha! Like I could face him yet… So I told Rachel to say no.
Saturday So there’s that mystery invite to the bus stop. I wasn’t going to go, but then mum and dad offered to take me out for ‘a meal and a chat’, and as much fun as that sounds (just saying that made me feel sick), I think I’ll go with the mystery person who wants me and Rachel to meet them at a dark bus stop! So I’m going now. I’ll write whenever I get back.
Midnight. I’m back. Wow. What an evening.
We got to the bus stop, and all the others were there. Harley had even brought his brother. Apparently his name is Jason – he has special needs. Harley never even told me he had a brother! I didn’t talk to Jermaine at the bus stop even though I could feel him looking at me. Then a mini bus arrives with the name of a local taxi firm on the side. The driver says he has been hired to take us to an address. We’re all a bit suss about this, but Harley has a chat with him and announces it’s cool, so we all get in.
He drove us around Kingsmouth, and we finally ended up down some street, and he told us to knock at number 28. We all hesitated, but finally Harley stepped forward and knocked. Tie Man opened the door! He was the last person I expected! He said his name was Simon. He invites us in and tells us he’s throwing a party to thank us for visiting his sister, Louise! What a shock! The whole house is decked out - food, music - the lot. He said the minibus will be back at half 10, told us to have fun, and left us to it.
A bit later Jermaine came up and offered me a drink. He seemed really shy, not how he usually is at all. We went outside for a chat. We talked about the baby, and he said he wishes he’d known, as he would have supported me - the last thing in the world I expected from him. He said he would be here for me now, as a friend and he gave me a hug. It’s hard to describe how I felt at that moment. I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. I know I can’t bring the baby back or sort out what went wrong with my life, but at least I feel like I’m starting to deal with it all. And Jermaine isn’t the enemy any more!
As we went back inside, Louise was preparing to give a speech. She admitted to us all that she walked out in front of the van that day as her and Simon had just moved to Kingsmouth, and she was feeling really depressed and lonely. Now she knows she has friends, she’s never going to do it again.
I could see that Harley is really crazy about Louise. I don’t mind. I just hope he treats her better than he did me! But I suppose I was pretty messed up myself when I was dating him.
I feel now that not only have I helped Louise and sorted things out with Jermaine, I think I have turned my life around - and maybe now I will be able to get over the loss of my baby and start the rest of my life. I’m going to sleep now. And for once, I think I may sleep through ‘til morning and not wake up to find the pillow wet with tears….

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